Week 5: Cherishing Your Spouse

What is the best way to combat negative thoughts and dislike toward your spouse? How can you strengthen your relationship with one another? 

Well read on for the answers...

I really loved the readings and videos I studied this week. I had a really cool opportunity to share John M. Gottman’s book and the videos I watched with one of my roommates that is engaged. I was sharing with her what I was learning from the book and how fascinated I was by what Gottman was saying about how if a married couple can not look at their past together and find good in it or good times, their marriage is unsalvageable, their love is lost. My roommate was really interested in it so we had an amazing discussion about fondness and admiration.

Fondness and Admiration are the secret to keeping a marriage “fire proof” and unbreakable and to fight against contempt that can creep in without us even realizing it. “Fondness and admiration prevent the couple from being trounced by the four horseman”. I love how Gottman also discussed how reviving or enhancing your fondness and admiration isn’t complicated. Just by talking and thinking about them you can strengthen or bring back your feelings of respect and likeness. By openly discussing and talking about the problems in your marriage and how they each affect one another, it makes it so much easier

to continue to find solutions to them. 

                                                                            

Gottman talks about having a "Love Map", yours or your partners likes, dislikes, joys, stresses, strengths, worries and so on. The whole idea of creating and learning your partners “Love Map” made me think about my other relationships. I’m not married so the relationships I focus on are my family and friends. So I decided to try it out with one of my best friends and roommate. We picked twenty-questions from the list of sixty and quizzed each other on how well we knew each other. I was surprised how well we did, but there were also a few I had no idea about. It helped me get to know her better and for her to get to know me better. I learned that the better you know your partner or spouse, knowing their likes, dislikes, strengths, struggles, joys, and so on, the better you can succeed to endure the storms that come with marriages. It isn’t easy and with knowledge is strength. I hope that when I do marry my spouse and I will know each other over time well enough to get a really high score on the different tests and activities that Gottman has in his book.

Don't forget to love and cherish your spouse even when times get tough.